What’s in it for me??

With the start of the holiday season , all the glamor, glitter, merriment and marketing of goods ( and Hallmark Card-like images), this is the perfect time to introduce a series of blogs I’d like to intersperse during this time of year. Truth be told, we live in such a chaotic, complex and often violent and contentious world. Yes, there is a lot of good (often behind the scenes) that needs to be shared, harnessed and embraced for all its worth!

However, in reality, we must ‘get through’ these hard times, with seemingly less morality, less ethicality, less care for us as humans. Then there are those who have experienced major loss and grief- whether through homicide, missing persons, assaults, intimate partner violence, chronic illnesses, etc all resulting in the loss of loved ones, loss of purpose, motivation to continue on. I have had the proveledge to facilitate and/ or participate in a myriad of support groups both professionally and personally. Some include CVA- Stroke groups, Homicide support, LGBTQ+ groups, disability groups etc. So, with that in mind, here is some advice, if you are apprehensive -

Let’s start with MISCONCEPTIONS about a support group.-

1. You don’t need a group if you have family members and friends;

2. Groups are only for the weak;

3. I don’t want to share my personal business with strangers;

4. It’s too sad and depressing;

5. I’m too busy;

6. ‘Time heals all wounds’

7. My doctor can help;

8. It’s too scary to reveal my problems publically.

RESPONSES TO MISCONCEPTIONS

1. In the majority of cases, family members and friends grieve differently and may not be ‘in the same place’ as you emotionally. Therefore, their comments are not always helpful. 

Regarding friends, (even good friends), they may grow weary of listening, talking to you about your loss

and often don't want to ‘say the wrong thing’ and may avoid you.

2. The group experience can be very powerful as you share an important commonality. They build camaraderie and friendship . Most importantly , they KNOW how you are truly feeling and they do not judge. 

3.  You are not required to share all of your personal business. You share just what you feel comfortable sharing until you build more confidence and comfort with the group. All  members take an informal pledge to keep all  information shared within the group confidential.

4. Yes, the subject matter is sad. However, you all are sharing a part of you and your experience to, in effect, relieve some of the burden. In fact, when you find others in the group who have similar experiences, the sad feeling may lessen and be replaced with respect for others and relief in the knowledge that there is help and hope.

5. Support groups often meet once per month, after work or there are now many options for on-line support via Facebook Live or Zoom, other platforms that may more easily accommodate your schedule.

6. This old adage, ‘Time heals al wounds’ is not true for major traumatic events. Often, if help isn’t sought quickly, depression and physical symptoms can worsen. 

In order to heal and ‘inch your way’ toward adjusting to your ‘new normal,’ one to one counseling, group support and perhaps medication may be needed prescribed by your physician.

7.  In 2024, it is rare to see your primary care physician personally, as they often have assistants to tend to immediate needs. PCPs  are not experts in grief, trauma and loss, and therefore they would typically refer you to those professionals  who have greater expertise (with the exception of prescribing medication).

8) Yes, it is scary to walk in that door for the first few times! I know from personal experience! Often the facilitator or another more senior member of the group may be assigned to meet you prior to the meeting and serve as a ‘mentor’ until you feel comfortable. Alternatively, a trusted friend or family member may attend with you if you wish.  All members do their part to make new members feel welcome, as they have been in the same position as you. 

If the timing isn’t right, or you need more time, there is no obligation, no pressure, no judgement.

How to Find Resources-

Ask for a referral from your physician, ask a local reference libraian to assist you, a local social worker, an organization affiliated with the type of grief you are experiencing, Call 211, or do a detiled internet search and get recommendations from others who have attended, if you are contemplating joining a support group.

If I can assist, please contact me through my Contact page, particularly if you need a formal consultation or writing project with which you need help-

https://donnagore.com/contact

Quote-

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt