And there was light… the Ben Guess Story
We all have mementos that mean a great deal….
Some of the back stories may be locked in our hearts forever, while others are displayed with PRIDE for the world to see or hear.
One such memento of mine is a well worn, folded, a bit tattered piece of paper that tells the personal story of a young man who ‘came out of the proverbial closet in a very unusual way.
It touched my heart so much and gave me so much hope at the time, - that it still retains a place in my wallet for over 30 years!
I suppose you could say it spoke volumes and continues to do so!
At the time of my coming out, I needed such ‘positive ending’ stories, for it was a lonesome and unknown journey until I received support from several organizations.
The central figure in this true story is Benjamin Guess. His mother, Glenda Guess, submitted it to PFLAG for national publication. She then went on to become a member in 1992, President of a PFLAG Chapter covering Henderson, Kentucky & Evansville, Indiana, as well as other achievements over the years.
In Glenda’s words-
“Our story began on August 15,1991, the day after my husband and I celebrated our 31st anniversary. As we kissed goodnight, I remembered how easy and trouble-free our life had been: our daughter, Dana, had finished her education, married and had a good job. Our son Ben was in his second year of divinity school. Neither of them had given us any problems.
The very next day Dana came to tell us that she was getting divorced and asked for our support.
During the conversation, we learned that Ben was coming home to tell us that he was gay. In the previous months, both my children had been supportive of each other.
(This is the part of the story that makes me happy as a mother…)
Dana went on to make sure that we underwood that Ben could never change, that it was not a choice for him that he had never planned to admit it but could no longer live with the lie.
(This part of the story made me cry, said Glenda…)
She told me that Ben was driving around town in his car waiting for her pre-arranged signal-
If her car was still there, it meant that we are still talking and we are supposed to keep riding around.
If her car was gone, it meant that she told us and we were not accepting. Leave and go home.
But, if she had told us and we were accepting, she should put the light on in his old bedroom window.
My heart nearly broke. We immediately jumped up and turned every light in the house on- from the porch lights to the spotlights in the front, the attic, even every closet light.
When our son drove into the driveway the house was a beacon to him that our love was unconditional and that we would always be there for him.
It was a magic moment for all of us.”
I was awestruck when I first read this account , as I am today!
I can just picture it now… Don’t we all in the LGBTQ+ community wish our family members were as accepting as Ben’s family!
Update on Ben-
His church affiliation from baptism to divinity school at Vanderbilt University had been the United Methodist Church. However, UMC’s 1992 General Conference was supposed to hear and act upon a four year study that recommended and affirmed gay and lesbian people in their church.
However much to Ben’s disappointment, the report was not even brought up. This disrespectful lack of proactivity forced Ben to come to terms with the fact that he must change his denomination and practice within a welcoming church community, rather than be ruled by fear and deceit.
In Ben’s words - “…it was necessary for me to find a congregation and denomination that wanted all of me. I transferred my credentials to the United Church of Christ, finding a loving and accepting atmosphere for my successful parish ministry, now going on 8 years.”
Ben Guess became the editor of the United Church News, the largest news organization for the United Church of Christ ( ~ year 2000).
The United Church of Christ is one of the few churches (As well as the Unitarian Universalist Society) that fully embraces LGBTQ+ persons and blesses their lives, callings, relationships and families).
Reference - https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/exhibits/show/shower-of-stoles/item/409
For information about Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) see this national site for a chapter and other information closest to you!
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”
If I can assist with a writing, or consulting project, please see my Contact Page.
Comments are welcomed and encouraged. DRG