Fairytales, the White Knight & Intimate Partner Violence
In observance of National (DV) Intimate Partner Violence Awareness Month, with 30–40% of Americans experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime including physical violence, sexual abuse, stalking and coercive control, there is no time like the present to reiterate the benefits of a unique and proactive tool that empowers a victim to record their experiences and safeguard them for use by the police and during legal proceedings.
The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit( EAA) was created to ensure that a victim’s words about her/his fears and previous violence will not go missing, should the victim themselves go missing. For the victim, in the simpilest of terms, it documents their history and experienes in a notarized document. ( videotaping & the victim’s actual words). It empowers the victim nd is a true force for change… in the darkest of times.’
History- The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) was conceptualized and created by family violence and homicide expert Susan Murphy Milano who passed away on October 28, 2012. It was created as a result of Susan’s work with the disappearance of Stacy Peterson, in 2007, by her then police officer husband, in Bolingbrook, Illinois. He is considered a serial murderer.
Susan Murphy-Milano
Stacy Peterson
Purpose & Unique Features - The EAA was created to ensure that a victim's words about her fears and previous violence will not disappear if she does. For the victim, it simply documents their history and experiences in a notarized document;
This type of Affidavit would eliminate the hearsay argument that would keep it from being used as evidence.
Hearsay- is an out of court statement offered to prove the truth . This is problematic, as the person quoted isn’t present.
The EAA combines video taping of a victim's actual words attesting to the abuse. The legal document is witnessed and notarized, which successfully satisfies legal standards.
The unique packaging includes testimony, documentation, perpetrator historical profiling, and pre-collected evidence delivered by trusted persons, professionals for safekeeping.
Recommended added documentation- It is always helpful to add any documentation, such as police/hospital reports, photos, letters, and emails, that help substantiate their experience and DNA samples;
Copies - Additionally, making multiple copies will ensure that this information will find its way to law enforcement if anything should happen to the victim and they cannot testify on their own behalf.
Process of the EAA- See page - XXXXXXX Fill out the document on page XX with the help of a trusted relative, friend or professional)
Why Prepare an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit?
The EAA contains information that is critical to your security. Leaving an abuser is a severe issue, and it requires careful planning. Whether leaving is not an option for you at the moment, I strongly recommend you proceed with completing the Abuse Affidavit and video. The purpose of an EAA is to document your experiences in your own words and record the abuse.
The Evidentiary Will and Abuse Affidavit document, signed by you and notarized by witnesses, is then placed in a secure location.
Filling this EAA app out online is one way to keep it on a secure site.
If something happens to you, this information will be invaluable to the police, detectives, and the legal system, ensuring that the person responsible is arrested and ultimately charged in your case.
The advice to complete an EAA isn't intended to scare you but to protect you. Sometimes, a victim prepares to leave and unintentionally alerts the abuser. Your face is splashed across the news, saying you have suddenly vanished, disappeared, or run away with another person. In many abuse cases, victims hide the information, even from the people they love. It makes it very difficult to arrest the abuser without any evidence;
Preparing an EAA is a victim's way to ensure that your experiences are being taken seriously. Again, if you feel in danger, it is essential NOT to disclose that you have seen a lawyer or have plans to leave. Use the following information if you fear for your safety or are in a bitter divorce or custody battle. Please err on the side of caution- this is your best defense weapon;
Statistics show that most victims murdered in recent years did not trust their instincts. Often leaving a letter or two for a loved one saying, "If something happens to me, it is because my ex, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, someone with whom I broke off a relationship, threatened to kill me." In a court of law, if you are seriously injured, in a coma, or tragically killed, that evidence is hearsay, not fact. The person responsible walks free because there is no documentation to prove what had been happening to you behind closed doors.
Coercive Control is also considered forms of abuse including-
Isolating partner from support system
Excessively monitoring partner’s activity throughout the day
Denying partner’s freedom and autonomy
Lying and gaslighting
Name-calling and putting down partner
Limiting partner’s access to money (even their own finances)
Reinforcing traditional gender roles
Turning partner’s own kids against them
Controlling aspects of partner’s health and body
Making jealous accusations
Regulating the sexual relationship decisions
Threatening partner’s pets and/or children
Please visit, donate, and most importantly make use of the EAA wheather you are the victim, a family, member, friend, neighbor, co-worker etc.
Website - (Relaunch is coming very soon!) - Currently - https://documenttheabuse.com
**The Myth of the White Knight - Every time I hear this song by Anita Baker, the prophetic words ring true about the images that may have been planted in childrens’ heads regarding finding ‘the perfect white knight’ to love her, save her, protect her from all evil… the ultimate marriage or relationship.
These ideas can often be the precursor false assumptions, overlooking red flags …and at its most dangerous violence and loss of life.. ( The lyrics are enlightening, They even mention the possbility of death in this bad relationship - “…I found the poison apple, My destiny to die…” )
Such standards were the stuff of "Fairytales” ( The title of the song) ***Watch & listen to the video sung by Anita-( below)
LYRICS-
I can remember stories, those things my mother said
She told me fairy tales, before I went to bed
She spoke of happy endings, then tucked me in real tight
She turned my night light on, and kissed my face good night
My mind would fill with visions, of perfect paradise
She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice
He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night
I'd be so happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
She never said that maybe, someday he'd say goodbyeThe story ends, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise - of fairy tales - uh
No, uh - huh - mmm - mmmShe spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this
She said he'd slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince
She said he'd come to save me, swim through the stormy seas
I'd understand the story, it would be good for me
You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the coldMy story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise - no fairy tales - yesI don't look for pie up in the sky, baby
Need reality, now, said I
Don't feel the need to be pacified, don't cha try
Honey, I know you liedYou never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold
I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly
I found the poison apple, my destiny to die
No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin
My fantasy is over, my life must now beginMy story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise - no fairy tales - eh,
hey, hey - eee - mmm, mmm
Lord have mercy - ooo
ooo - mmm - oh LordDRG