Homicide Isn’t “Uplifting”

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The title of this blog – such is the refrain of book store owners, Christian oriented businesses, coffee house venues etc.  What’s an author to do? They don’t get it!

Definition of Uplifting – “Morally or spiritually elevating; Inspiring happiness or hope”

People who are not impacted by crime cringe at the mere mention of murder. They may not watch the news as “It’s all bad.” “It makes me sad.” “I want to protect my children.”  Well, their “Candyland existence” does not work when pitted against the realities of life.

The key is balance – To expose ourselves and our children to the realities, to be proactive, but not be possessed or obsessed by the evils, to appreciate, to have empathy, to get involved with a cause that is related in order to change the world for the better!

Granted, it is very challenging for adults to make sense of the seeming random, senseless violence happening all around us.  How can we possibly explain to our children?  The act of murder, is not uplifting whatsoever. HOWEVER, the pathway to resolution and the positive byproducts in the aftermath can be very rewarding, enriching and give one’s life real purpose, and meaning that honors your loved one in a way you had never imagined! 

It does our children no favors to overexpose them to the chaos in our world. Nor does it prepare them for life in 2017 to “live in a bubble of your own unrealistic creation.”

Tips to bridge the Gap-

  • Know and appreciate resiliency- Point out examples to your children and try to model it in your own behavior and when you encounter difficult situations. Stress that life is not always happy, but that there is always a way to “find the sunshine on the other side” if you problem solve!
  • Use opportunities to make ourselves and our children aware within our community  “when bad things happen to good people” by participating in  fund raising events, vigils,  marathons, searches, rallies with a  hopeful, positive message;
  • Seize opportunities to meet others – even one person that has a different life experience as a result of crime and make a friend. Your local crime victim advocate may be able to pair you with a person who would best benefit from such a pairing.  Typically someone in the acute phases of grief may really needs someone to listen, not advice, (which can be intense). Alternately, if you meet them with much space and time between the crime and your meeting, you will gain much insight into how others cope…and still manage their life in spite of…It’s amazing what you will learn from such a relationship!
  • Instill hope in the aftermath of crime and tragedy, for that truly is God’s Grace at work;
  • Join a non-profit organization that needs volunteers in order to gain exposure and insight.  The positives far outweigh the crime itself when everyone is working toward a common goal.  Many talents and skills are needed – small and large, so don’t be shy!  You will receive far more than you give, guaranteed!   In addition, you often build lifelong relationships!  One fine example is the  repeated winner of Great Non-Profits.org- The Cue Center for Missing Persons- http://www.ncmissingpersons.org/about/
  • Reviews from Great Non-Profits –  Very Uplifting!  http://greatnonprofits.org/org/community-united-effort-cue

 

Other References –

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Diaries-Surviving-Loss-Homicide/dp/1944328149

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/uplifting?s=t


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Donna R. Gore

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity. Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.co

Makin’ the Connections between Homicide and the General Public with Grief Diaries Anthology Book Series! 

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I recently had the opportunity to appear in a “big box” bookstore- Barnes & Noble Booksellers at Shoppes at Buckland Mall in Manchester, CT, my home state! It was a thrill to see it all come together after the long range planning!   Kudos to the manager who placed my table strategically across from the Customer Services desk, next to the aisle for the children’s play area, a straight shot to the Café, and on the aisle to and from mall traffic!  And right next to the 50% off Harry Potter display. (‘Every other author’s nemesis!) LOL Perfect!

I was so pleased to finally meet some online friends live and in person for the very first time!  Three of them were former radio guests, who were paying it forward in their own way, showing interest and purchasing books for this very informational and ever growing Grief Diaries series!

What was most touching to me were the connections that were formed. Each of the three had a connection to the other in some way and maybe other resources to assist in cold cases  or other Grief Diaries books in progress, in addition to brain storming about future podcasts for Shattered Lives Radio!

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Tips for other authors from my experience

When an author gets to this juncture, they must be in tune with their clientele. Who comes to a bookstore?  Parents and their kids, students, academics, school teachers, law enforcement, therapists, computer geeks, persons with disabilities, and more. I was indeed fortunate in that people in all of these categories crossed my path! I hopefully made some valuable connections and seized the opportunity with every person to educate, educate, educate about homicide, missing persons and the overall value of the Grief Diaries Series.

One other tip I’d like to pass on: Make it real; Make it relevant; Make it local when explaining about this topic of homicide in which most people cringe at the very mention of the word…or say it’s “too sad to process.” We need only to open the oldest newspaper in the country yesterday, The (Hartford) Courant to find examples.

I illustrated my point again and again with patrons regarding the initial missing person and subsequent needless death by homicide of Sterling, CT teen, Todd “T.J” Allen, 18 years old.  This time around, both the victim and the perpetrator were equally responsible. It didn’t have to happen!  It shouldn’t have happened!

Regardless of the legal age, these were kids masquerading as “men”and in over their heads!  Prayers go to the parents of both families as they are both victims of homicide.

Exactly why Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss by Homicide is so needed!  Get it here!  And please write a review as to its value!

Grief Diaries: Loss by Homicide

Order today from Barnes & Noble, Amazon or directly from the Grief Diaries website!

If you would like an autographed copy contact me at ladyjusticedonna@gmail.com

Donna R. Gore

 

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity. Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.co

 

 

 

 

 

A Barnes & Noble Marathon

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My initial experience as a published author at an official book signing turned out to be a a delight in so many ways. I will be forever grateful for the “baptism” by the good folks at Barnes & Noble located at Market Common in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

I had no blueprint to follow, no other authors to observe, so I had to feel my own way until it felt comfortable. I was told by employees that i was exceptional for my ability to engage customers. I’m not a passive person and maybe I’m a salesperson at heart.

I learned the job is really a cross between Wal-Mart greeter and a politician. I was there to sell my book, Grief Diaries: Loss by Homicide, as well as the entire Grief Diaries series. Add that to selling myself as an author, and pushing my favorite non-profit, CUE Center for Missing Persons.

It was a tall order on the face of it. However, I soon got into the groove. My designated time slot of 1-3pm came and went all too quickly. I made the decision to stay and keep going until I was asked to leave. Happily, I can report that business picked up the longer I stayed, for a grand total of 7.5 hours. Managers went about their business and allowed me to do my thing.

donna-gore-poster-09-10-16It was a true tapestry of engagements, as well as non-engagements, including tourists, locals, students, teachers, researchers, and those seeking a cold drink. The non-engagers rarely make eye contact, sprint by my area, and make a beeline to Starbucks inside the store.

There were also those who cringed and contorted their faces at the mention on homicide. Those people on vacation, and residents with their heads in the sand, think vacations, life experience and homicide never co-exist.

One man, originally from London, sauntered over and looked closely at my poster and book, then left the table. He returned to say, “I didn’t mean to be rude, but I lost my wife and two children. I read the book in the Grief Diaries series, Loss of a Child, and I just can’t deal with it anymore.”

I directed at least three women to the information desk to order Grief Diaries: Loss of a Spouse as this is a common loss with which everyone can identify. A psychologist from Coastal Carolina University returned to the table several times. We talked extensively, and I now have an opportunity to collaborate with him to present to his class on death and dying.

I was also invited to the Myrtle Beach Coastal Power Women’s Group. This group is business oriented and offers attendees the opportunity to do a short presentation after attending for a set amount of times.

With every conversation I tried to weave in the activities and mission of  CUE Center for Missing Persons and the fact that a portion of book sales is designated as a donation to the organization which searches for missing persons across the country, as well as provide advocacy for the families.14344333_1093305534088802_887999672433180273_n

I mentioned the vial importance of having a greater awareness of young men and women who go missing often. In this context, I used examples of local missing persons Brittanee Drexel and Heather Elvis with love and care. There was a spark of recognition and an awareness of the CUE Center for their part in these local, high-profile cases.

One of the non-engaged appeared to be a woman of means with two small children in tow. When I tried to engage her, she said, without looking, “I’m not interested.” I replied, “That’s fine, but grief and homicide are a part of life for many people.” She rushed her kids out of the door and loudly said, “If you check recent FBI statistics, crime is down!” She obviously needs a reality check.

A favorite person who purchased my book cam back for more in the way of a photo-op. Alisha Wilson, a proud member of the Roanoke, Virginia Police Department made my day.

Other favorites included high school students from the local Socastee High School. They were great listeners and purchased a copy of my book for their school. Anna from British Columbia, who has a counseling degree promised to order a copy as well. Finally, a mom purchased a copy for her daughter, a scientist with the West Virginia State Crime Lab.

The manager on duty invited me back the next day to autograph copies for the store. Apparently, a special “Autographed” sticker is placed on the cover of the book to inspire customers to buy more books. Wearing my CUE t-shirt I spent another hour at the store preparing these books.

It’s my hope that Barnes & Noble will feature the entire Grief Diaries series in their store. I’m looking forward to further opportunities around the local area of Myrtle Beach, as well as in my home state of Connecticut.

To paraphrase this book signing experience from a chapter in the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:

“I shan’t ever forget you, and I’ll think of you many, many times.”


Grief Diaries: Loss by Homicide

Donna R. Gore

 

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity. Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com

Filing It Away, or Stirring it Up, Long Term Grief Does NOT Come with Instructions

Crime victim, compassion, Donna R. Gore

A recent Shattered Lives Radio podcast featured frequent guest, Duane Bowers, Licenced Professional Counselor (LPC).  I take pride in featuring cutting edge topics designed to assist victims of crime. Often the emotional pieces are never discussed. Families are mystified about how to deal with truly understanding grief and loss and how it applies to them.

In this podcast, Duane Bowers and I delve into long-term family relationships and the grief that remains. Does it get better or worse? Is grief and loss the tie that binds us so that down the road we are restored in a new way?

Below I pose a “laundry list” of intriguing questions, issues that may be reality or myth for what’s upcoming as you are invited to listen to this valuable show. You may even have a couple of revelations in the furtherance of understanding just what happens after a traumatic loss!

A Sample of What You Will Learn from this Podcast

  • The difference between grief and traumatic loss
  •  What it takes to feel in control
  • The roles family members take on after traumatic loss
  • Nurturing and the meaning and value assigned to an event
  • When the role of an advocate impacts someone who has “filed it away” and emotions get stirred up
  • Expectations in how to grieve
  • Your willingness to change and the effort required versus hanging on to the pain
  • When is the moment of death?
  • Resiliency models and communication styles
  • Will we become a more cohesive family with time, or not?
  • Grief and support resources

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“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly


Further information about grief as a victim of crime is available in my book, Grief Diaries: Loss by Homicide, which includes the stories of others who, like you, are traveling this long journey.

Grief Diaries: Loss by Homicide

Donna R. Gore

 

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity. Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com