Single Professionals without Children; Why Are We Ignored? It’s a Crime!

laptop-943559_960_720

Please forgive me if I don’t “wax nostalgic” over New Year’s Eve. This holiday, as several others, leaves unattached singles at loose ends particularly at the stroke of midnight. What are we supposed to do?

New Year’s Eve is all glitter and flash which can be fun…. But, it is also most often associated with expending gobs of money and excessive use of alcoholic beverages. I like my wine occasionally, but have never ever been a “bar fly.” It’s okay in small doses, but I’d rather be somewhere else.

However, this is just one example in which single professionals “going it alone” are at a distinct advantage in our society.

We have made great strides in acknowledging single parenthood and even coupled parenthood without the benefit of marriage.  There are single adults by choice, and/or never having found the right person such as myself; There are those who are single by divorce or widow(er) status and don’t want to “try again.”  There are many in the LGBTQ community who may chose to habitually shop around versus commit to anyone.  There are disenfranchised people whose lifestyle choices and habits may always make them a single outcast. (You know who I mean…)  It’s the professional singles who are often “left out in the cold” whose interests are never considered.  Thank God we have evolved to the point of singledom not being “just a temporary holding pattern” until the white knight appears. Maybe we don’t need the white (or minority) knight! Maybe the white knight would be too high maintenance for some of us.

Consider the Facebook post I wrote on New Year’s Eve 2016-17 to reach out to others in the same boat as I.

SINGLES PROFESSIONALS UNITE! God needs to invent a holiday for single people. Truth be told, I’ve never cared for this holiday. We are forgotten by Hallmark, by families, by our legislators, by society as a whole. Occasionally, we are mentioned if we have “disposable income”, but that’s basically the extent of it.
It’s too bad, because we are a valuable resource, have a lot to offer the world and are just as important as the married people and parents. But, who ever realizes us as a group? So, to all the people in my group, you are important and don’t need to be defined by someone on your arm tonight! Upward and onward in 2017. Be who you are…even if you are single and like it that way!

In most cases, we are not considered in the family dynamic for what we can offer surrounded by the married ones; We are conveniently left out of coupled invitations, “the third wheel”. We are never considered by our elected legislators as needing fairer laws and public policies to help us meet financial burdens and future retirement.  We seldom have appropriate greeting cards for our busy lifestyles.

working-1219889_960_720

With 51 percent of the America unmarried as of 2012, sociologist Eric Klinenberg wrote in his “Going Solo” book, that more than a quarter of us are living in a one person household and (irrespective of romance)  we’re not “getting a lot of love” regarding fair treatment.

For example, New York psychology professor, Dr. Bella DePaulo points out that we can start right from the top in government –

The U.S. government not only turns a blind eye to the problem of “singleism,” but helps enforce it, activists say. Just look at Social Security. “A childless singleton can work side by side with a childless married person, doing the same job, for the same number of years, at the same level of accomplishment—and when the married person dies, that worker can leave his or her Social Security benefits to a spouse,” says DePaulo. “The single person’s benefits go back into the system.”

UNRECOGNIZED AND UNCHALLENGED

Why does anyone have to be part of any kind of couple to get the same federal benefits and protections as anyone else?”

They don’t get the same kind of tax breaks. Co-op boards, mortgage brokers, and landlords often pass them over. So do the employers with the power to promote them. “Singleism—stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against people who are single—is largely unrecognized and unchallenged.” Other arenas include insurance and health care –

businesswoman-147101_960_720People don’t notice singleism, and if their attention is called to it, they think there’s nothing wrong. That’s why, for instance, car and health insurance companies get away with charging less for couples and families. “They can attract more business [that way],” DePaulo notes. In the process, they leave single people to essentially subsidize the benefit by paying more. “When married workers can add spouses to a health-care plan at a discount and single workers can’t add someone important to them, that’s discrimination,” says DePaulo.

According to Seattle Law Professor Lily Kahng- Author of “One Is the Loneliest Number: The Single Taxpayer in a Joint Return World”, Hastings Law Journal,“Unmarried people also lose out when it comes to taxes.” Further – That married workers are able to transfer wealth and property to spouses—and others—tax-free, while the unmarried cannot; Ms. Kahng concludes that the joint return penalizes single people and should be abolished.

Married people had a supermajority of political power at the time the [current tax] rules were enacted, according to Ms. Kahng.

When we look at disposable income and quality time… by and large, single contribute more, says sociologist Eric Klinenberg –

On average, singles have more disposable income. They’re fueling urban economies that would be in much worse shape without them. compared to married people, they’re more likely to spend time with neighbors, to participate in public events, and to volunteer.

If you live in Europe – Marriage Historian Stephanie Coontz relates – “The penalties for being single in this country are worse than in Europe, where individuals have guaranteed access to health care, and they have options beyond a spouse’s death benefits for staying above the poverty line as they age.

And then there’s Outside the Office – Did you know?

Biased thinking persists, “For the single homeowner or property renter, discrimination is rampant, because the Federal Fair Housing Act does not prohibit marital-status discrimination,” Langburt notes. “Not only do landlords discriminate again singles; real-estate and mortgage brokers discriminate as well.”

According to these experts, the problem is scattered and isolated for formal tracking.  In fact, single women are the number one home buyers in the country, but there’s still a silent stigma that these women don’t have money to qualify or that they will be a flight risk.”

Being single – Not exactly a piece of cake… But I, for one, wouldn’t have it any other way!

woman-1484279_960_720


References and Literary Recommendations –

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/06/singled-out-are-america-s-unmarried-discriminated-against.html

Book – Singled Out- https://www.amazon.com/Singled-Out-Singles-Stereotyped-Stigmatized/dp/0312340826/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483305894&sr=1-1&keywords=single+out+depaulo

Book – Going Solo https://www.amazon.com/Going-Solo-Extraordinary-Surprising-Appeal/dp/0143122770

Donna R. Gore

 

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity. Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.co

Advertisements

ENFJ –Enough Justice? No It’s Me….

Donna R. Gore, LadyJustice

This writer is on the precipice of 2013 …just like everyone else….  It’s going to happen whether she likes it or is prepared or not.  Whether the fiscal cliff will crumble and have a  terrible impact like the naysayers state, is not the most important consideration. Maintaining normalcy is not her concern…just the opposite.  The new normal has to be embraced by all no matter what happens.  We all have to create our new normal.  With some apprehension and a lot of hope and excitement. Ladyjustice looks forward to an entirely new normal in the coming year.  Yes… shake the dust off… do different things, she says… 

How do we do it?  One tool is to know you inside and out.  One such tool discovered many years ago was when this writer took the Myers Briggs (Personality) Type Indicator.

In the beginning, understanding the various parameters may seem like you have to use your secret decoder ring AND Jillian Maas Backman to understand what it all means… However, LJ is confident that even reading through various personality descriptions of the 16 on-line, you will eventually say, Ah, HAH! That’s me….The MBTI is based on Carl Jung’s theory of personality type and was developed by the mother-daughter team of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers.

The Myers Briggs Foundation states that it can be used in relationships so that you can understand their preferences and readily appreciate differences between you and those closest to you in everyday life…. Another benefit is in use in choosing a career that is commensurate with your style and preferences, use by specific professions such as healthcare and teaching so that understanding, processing and learning styles can be appreciated and adjusted.

Ladyjustice took this test many years ago and remains true to form to her personality type (which is not absolute-just like anything) but very true to who you are on the whole….  and used the book’s 16 one page descriptions to analyze her good friends and family…to ultimately understand “why we are/act the way we do.” A fun and challenging exercise …

The essence of the theory is that much seemingly random variation in the behavior is actually quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment.

“Perception involves all the ways of becoming aware of things, people, happenings, or ideas. Judgment involves all the ways of coming to conclusions about what has been perceived. If people differ systematically in what they perceive and in how they reach conclusions, then it is only reasonable for them to differ correspondingly in their interests, reactions, values, motivations, and skills.”

The MBTI instrument has a track record of hundreds of studies over the past 40 years have proven the instrument to be both valid and reliable. In other words, it measures what it says it does (validity) and produces the same results when given more than once (reliability).

Defining the Four Domains-A Primer: (16 Separate Personality Types)

Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).

Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).

Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).

Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).

 

 

According to Ladyjustice’s Type- ENFJ-

  E: You are energized by other people or outside experiences, as your preference for extroversion (sometimes spelled extraversion) reveals. You enjoy and do well in situations where you interact with others.

  N: Intuition is like a sixth sense that lets you visualize beyond what you can see, hear, smell, taste and touch. It gives you the ability to consider future possibilities and ultimately take advantage of those opportunities.

  F: As someone whose preference is feeling, you often make decisions based on your personal values. You are inclined to move ahead without fully considering the consequences of your actions. You are sensitive to the needs of others. This makes you a caring person who likes to help people.

  J: Your preference for judging indicates that you like to have all your ducks in a row. Spontaneity may make you uneasy. You are successful when you have deadlines you have to meet because you are organized.

  • Introversion [I] v. Extroversion [E]: How you energize
  • Sensing [S] v. Intuition [N]: How you perceive information
  • Thinking [T] v. Feeling [F]: How you make decisions
  • Judging [J] v. Perceiving [P]: How you live your life

Each of us exhibits aspects of both preferences in each pair but one is always stronger than the other. Your personality type is made up of the letters assigned to those stronger preferences.

***Now… If only future employers over on Linkedin would pay attention to this and see Ladyjustice for her really important traits and match with that job…. Heaven…. (God, are you listening?)

Portrait of an ENFJ – Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition)

Ladyjustice in All her Glory- (Warts and All…)

 Traits According to her personality type…


“The Giver”

As an ENFJ, you’re primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ’s main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ’s people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people’s skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ’s motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ’s are so externally focused that it’s especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life’s direction and priorities according to other people’s needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It’s natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people’s needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don’t sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ’s tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they’re likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they’re likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they’re able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they’re not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person’s need, they are highly likely to value the other person’s needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don’t understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they’re forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They’re very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controlling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

So What?

Ladyjustice has seen over her 30+years of work experience that jobs are obtained and based upon a select few job skills alone.  They do not talk about transferable skills. Employers still focus on your “blankety blank” degree that you got thirty years ago that may not even be relevant anymore… What about all of the other stuff that makes you who you are?  What about what’s important for you in a work environment and a boss? Forget about it…especially in this economy… It’s pot luck re co-workers, your work environment and your boss. 

Ladyjustice is here to say that if a position and a candidate were reviewed holistically re overall mutual needs, we wouldn’t have such a poor business environment in many states…We would virtually wipe out workplace violence if we did a better job meeting a person’s needs based upon how they think and process the world. We would have more productivity and less absenteeism…

Just imagine,…we might actually be working with a majority of people we really enjoy versus tolerate…. What a concept!

So… judge me as a whole person and what I have to offer… not what I did 30 years ago, please, potential employers… I’m Much More than a resume…and so too are all of you….

Have I provoked you to looking into your type on the Myers-Briggs??  I’ll bet I can find out if I know you well… What fun! 

Happy Sailin’ into 2013… Hope you’re along for the ride with Ladyjustice or as they say, ENFJ Woman!

 

Employment Express (Advice and “Wish List”)

Donna R. Gore, LadyJustice,Employment

Get on board and take advantage of a highly skilled professional looking for employment in a warm climate!

Ladyjustice has ridden the employment express train non-stop since July of 2010. Even with the safety net of her current job, it’s been a bumpy ride filled with twists and turns and many lessons learned along the way.  There has been frustration, heartache and occasional exhilaration.  In this lengthy learning curve, one of the most salient lessons one can glean, is that the journey is just as important, if not more important than the destination.  It may be cliché, but it is true. This fact is also difficult to accept if you have your heart set on a particular destination within a particular time frame.  You may be multi-talented, but if the market isn’t buying what you’re selling at the moment, it’s time to re-adjust the clock and re-invent.

This writer has “picked up many valuable passengers” along the way, whom she now considers friends and advisors who are knowledgeable in areas with which she has lesser knowledge.  The process dictates that you trust others and use your best instincts …a cautionary tale. We have all trusted and gotten burned…more than once in this life…   Don’t let that stop you!  You can rebound!

Ladyjustice has learned that it’s the non traditional forms of connecting for future employment, such as social media, which spark interest, that expose one’s creativity and talent.  With a “good conductor,” you can also reveal your character, your passions, motivation and “true grit.”

What is the pinnacle of success? How is it measured?  Obviously, it is different for every individual.   This writer doesn’t spell happiness or contentment with a lot of material goods, nor is it necessarily finding the illusive soul mate…for they are so few and far in between.  Rather, for this writer, happiness has evolved into doing a combination of tasks she loves to assist and advocate for others, surrounded by a caring network of friends, hopefully from a warm geographic climate.  The soul, the mind and the heart can salvage some beauty from the evil personally experienced if done in the right way, in the right proportion, given the opportunity!!!

With that said, and still believing that “the world is your oyster” if you can “fish in the right ocean,” Ladyjustice’s wish list for future employment would, at this moment in time, consist of the following:

Full time position, offering diverse work duties at Program Coordinator/Manager within progressive secure mid-size company,  offering  a friendly, collaborative  work environment;   Position would involve:  Destination:– Year ‘round warm  (non-snow) climate such as San Diego or other city;  prefer culturally, politically progressive region/state.

Possible Duties: Education/Consultative Orientation:                                                      

Primary Focus on Writing, Editing, Training in Victimology and Criminal Justice Issues and Event Planning.  Utilization of Motivational Speaking abilities, experience with other oppressed populations such as the Disabled, Elderly, LGBT Communities also possible;

Other Requirements:

Some travel as needed; Opportunity to create new program possibilities, work with a team of other professionals; Salary requirements:  Commensurate with geographic cost of living and Master’s level experience; ‘Above average health care benefits desired.

Availability: Minimum of 2 weeks (One month preferred)                                                                                                            

Depending upon the opportunity presented, selected terms may be negotiable.                                                                                                 

References Available.

So there you have it, potential employers… Would you like to take a chance on this ambitious multi-faceted professional?  I certainly hope so….

‘Next stop, the future!

Respectfully ,

Donna R. Gore, M.A.

http://www.donnagore.com

ladyjusticedonna@gmail.com

Serious inquiries accepted:

ImaginePublicity

PO BOX 14946

Surfside Beach, SC  29587

843.808.0859

contact@imaginepublicity.com

Riding in the Back Seat Long Enough??

      Back seat,ImaginePublicity,Long enough

 

Have you been “riding in the back seat long enough,” just tagging along for the ride? Or… have you been “thrown under the bus” by friends, family or heartless would-be employers who could not see what you have to offer?

Finding a new career or a new endeavor to generate extra money is frequently like taking a walk through a mine field without the proper advice.  You only have “X number of dollars” to spend… and you have even less time to chase down leads while competing with the masses… And then, there’s the holiday season…

The holidays take their toll on your wallet, your time, your energy, your motivation.  And if you are unemployed, the “holiday spirit and happiness factor” are probably severely running on empty.  Lest we forget… the social media landscape is not for the faint of heart. However, Ladyjustice has “dipped her toes in the water” in recent weeks and found some rewards.  Some people do respond. Business is picking up. There are the beginnings of a following.  The lifeblood of LJ’s writings is circulating…Ultimately, that new career may be “just over the hill and around the corner.”

The beauty of signing on with a special interest marketing and publicity company for this busy single professional is that things are always happening behind the scenes!!!  You do not have to be sitting at your computer 24/7 to be productive. After a detailed “get to know you period,” you can pretty much hand over the reins to the trusted PR professional when you’re not there. He or she can “steer the ship” with input from you…

Big Versus Small

What’s the difference between a Cadillac and a Mini Cooper?  ‘Plenty of difference.  However, that doesn’t mean that bigger is always better.  Ladyjustice has worked in all sectors, big medium and small.  In this blogger’s humble opinion, for specific purposes such as targeting what you need as an individual and taking a personal interest, the smaller the better. (Muy Importante!).  “Small” translates to personal service, off hour’s consultations, growth opportunities to “spread your wings” that you otherwise might not have considered! Perhaps the only downside to a smallish PR company is the lack of “deep pockets” to dip into.  But this is where ingenuity and creativity come into play…. That’s what marketing is all about – think out of the box!

Ladyjustice has engaged in a lot of the following “Backseat behaviors” and is now in the “front seat”

Back Seat Behavior

“Making a few calls;”

Getting drawn into the resume mill companies;

Settling for the first line of rejection (Not even trying to get past the receptionist);

Falling for gimmicks;

Filling your resume with “strung together adjectives” that don’t mean anything;

Not going beyond your comfort zone;

Using your lack of technology as an excuse for not doing “X;”

Not trusting others who may have a different point of view regarding what you need to achieve your goals;

Front Seat Behavior

Taking a risk with your new PR person;

Learning how to network;

Creating a skill or service that others need in today’s world;

Getting your message across in as many media forms as possible;

Obtaining good recommendations;

Offering to help others may create new situations that benefit you!

Organizing your priorities and be ready to sacrifice;

Working Hard, Working Hard, Working Hard!

So what does this all mean?  It means that you have to seek out the “right company.”  It can be a long search, or, in this writer’s case, incredible luck!  Should you like Ladyjustice’s philosophy, I cannot recommend a company more highly than the one with that blue and green quill.  Make a beeline to Imagine Publicity if you “are too good to be lost in the shuffle, too good to be forgotten.”

Imagine Publicity may be the ticket to success for you.  So… treat yourself!

Respectfully,

Donna R. Gore, M.A.                                                                                                                  Homicide Survivor –“Ladyjustice”                                                    www.donnagore.com