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The Endless Pursuit of Something

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Many of us want to be productive. We don’t want to miss an opportunity in life, can never seem to slow down, just because. Maybe it’s the workaholic gene, I don’t know. When I compare myself with my siblings and how we operate, there are vast differences. It’s not bad or good, but different.

Conventional wisdom says less stress, less heart disease and a plethora of other medical maladies. But, that is also somewhat determined by genetics as well. Just look at former comedian George Burns, he died at age 98, smoked 10 to 15 cigars per day for 70 years including second-hand smoke. What a great set of genes! However, for those of us in the middle of the Bell curve, I estimate we will not be quite as lucky as George burning all of those cigars.

Is This You?

 

If we are perpetually spinning our wheels, sometimes through no fault of our own, what can we do?

1) First of all, disengage in the race. The RoadRunner and Wile E Coyote just NEVER gave up!

2) Secondly, if your roost is permanent, find like people and play with them often. If your roost isn’t permanent, you can do this as well by carving out time occasionally, if you find a commonality. I’ve been told and researched the Myrtle Beach MeetUp.  However, trying to browse and get true feedback, while getting through the security was impossible and finding a group that wasn’t mostly athletically based or “”too senior focused”  was a real challenge for me. I want to know what I’m committing to before I commit. You could not get access unless you signed up. Maybe I’ll try again someday, for it is part of my future. I think a friend who is already in the system is in the best position to assist.

3) Scale down your projects such that you spend less time in your endeavor. Even if it is your passion, it doesn’t need to be 24/7. If you are a crime sleuth, and solving crimes is a hobby, realize that taking time out to do other things is not a betrayal. I was really worried about someone I met who sacrificed everything in her life in order to keep the case alive!

In 2013, a former Los Angeles homicide detective shared with The Guardian that, “Every year detectives solve anywhere between 60-70% of the cases, but only about 30-40% are from that calendar year. The rest of cases, which make up the difference, are from the previous years’ cases.”

Knowing this information up front, taking a few hours off will not be seen as disloyal by the family you are helping, if there is a family, or the memory of the victim.

4) Pursue an old hobby again. As I need more physical activity even with a permanent disability, I have thought of resuming a former pastime of years ago, bike riding with a special adult tricycle. It looks like this, now with gears:  

Westport-Adult-Folding-Tricycle-1024x866

However, there is a transport issue with this kind of bike. At my Connecticut condo, there is no safe terrain to ride, nor to store it. At my Myrtle Beach condo, there is also currently nowhere to safely store it. But, I will continue to pursue this. There has to be a way!

5) Distract yourself by changing your former tried and true habits with new ones. A simple example is that the limited TV watching I do was replaced a few weeks ago. Rather than my nightly dose of ‘Law & Order,” I discovered computer access to some HGTV shows and even the “Great British Baking show” which is truly fun!

6) Learning the fine art of relaxation. There are a number of ways that work for many people. Admittedly, I have failed at finding my “inner peace” through meditation. I cannot relax my muscles due to spasticity throughout my body . My theory (or my excuse) is that it carries over to my mind.

Massage is wonderful, and I had many sessions years ago. However, the per session rate in Connecticut is, on average $100.00 per hour, too pricey with my other financial responsibilities. And, just in case you are wondering, this profession is not universally covered by health insurance, as is physical therapy.  Soothing music. This one is easy to do, but just puts you “in the mood” for a little while.

7) Find a buddy, I have a few work buddies, but in my off hours, family nor friends have had any of my same interests for several years.  This has always been a challenge with being single, without children, and not relating to everything family style.  I’m still hoping to find this situation.

8) Travel – Ahhh! Yes! I used to be the “Queen of Cruises” prior to buying a second property! I still love it! Relaxation, culturally, intellectually stimulating, pure escapism! Any vacation is fine with me!  One particularly discriminatory experience on a cruise, out of the nine cruises I’ve participated in, still is somewhat traumatic. But, my fondness for them overall doesn’t waver.  I’m not really fussy, a short road trip will do too! I just have to convince others I am a good travel buddy! I really am! In the meantime, I don’t let it deter me from solo travel. I have perfected it to a science.

9) Sleep, Sleep, Sleep! At times this too is a luxury! I have to share that a few years ago I often couldn’t sleep through the night. But, who knows, good diet and supplements may help now.  According to the well credentialed WebMD site, more sleep can help you in the following ways: better overall health, lower risk of injury, contribute to a better sex life, improved memory and concentration, stronger immunity and, believe it or not, even weight control! See this article for details: http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/9-reasons-to-sleep-more#1

Now, I just have to take my own advice! Ahhh ,Ladyjustice is always a work in progress!  How about you? As the RoadRunner would say, Meep, Meep!

References-

http://www.cigaraficionado.com/webfeatures/show/id/The-Ultimate-Cigar-Aficionado_6004

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jul/25/homicide-detective-lapd-daily-life

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/9-reasons-to-sleep-more#1

DonnaGore-2

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity.Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com

You can find me here, please follow or friend! Facebook,  Shattered Lives,  Twitter, LinkedIn

 

Shattered Lives Features CRIS Radio for People who are Blind or Print Challenged

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Diane Weaver Dunne of CRIS radio discusses the audio offerings available to people who are blind or print challenged.

CRIS records articles featured in more than 70 newspapers and magazines, including the most extensive line-up in the nation of award-winning children’s magazines featuring human narration, all available online and on demand.

In addition to broadcasting 24 hours a day, seven days a week, other services include streaming CRIS programs directly to hospitals and other health care facilities through their in-house systems, or through Internet radios installed at assisted living facilities or nursing homes.

CRIS also provides custom recordings for schools and museums to better serve people with print disabilities.

For complete details on all of the CRIS offerings, please visit their website: https://crisradio.org

Things the Media and Public Don’t Know about Crime Victims

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In the very beginning when you suddenly become the victim of a violent crime, it is a bit like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. Nothing fits. It’s foreign and uncomfortable. You don’t know where to turn. You think the police, the detectives, the prosecutor will make your case the highest priority. You are ambivalent about media coverage, for you want everyone to know balanced against your need to maintain privacy. What you don’t know can hurt you. My former blog,  “A New Normal” explains further. 

Although each case is unique in it’s own way, each has commonalities.  There are no “Hints from Heloise” or a 2017 version by Emily Post’s great, great granddaughter “How to Act Around a Crime Victim.” There really should be a guide to be scoffed up by the public with each and every violence act which is becoming part of our new reality- whether crazed and disgruntled or terrorist. We need practical tools!

In the absence of such a guide that fits most criminal acts, some things are obvious, but often blatantly ignored by the media and a public who gleans its information from television.

A short laundry list of do’s and don’ts 

  • Should the media pick up a story on a wire service or social media, due diligence and care should be taken to ensure that law enforcement has made contact with and notified the family prior to releasing information to the public. As we know, particularly with the introduction of social media and our current President’s penchant to Tweet, is it nearly impossible to maintain that “respectable distance, as the lives of a crime victim’s family  are changing forever? I think that effort and respect must be shown, first and foremost!  As a family member who learned of my father’s death via a newspaper article, the horror of learning in this manner was indescribable!   
  • Do not focus your entire story on the violent act and never or barely mention that there are victims, fatalities and those injured.  This is HUGELY IMPORTANT to families who are shocked and offended that their beloved family member gets virtually no coverage whatsoever for the sake of “selling the news.” Although we understand that a victim’s identity cannot be released initially, good journalists do not have to depend upon sensationalism to grab attention;
  • The victim’s frailties, demons, or  mistakes should not define the story and color public perception. Should it be that after a thorough investigation, the victim’s  lifestyle or habits did indeed contribute to the end, so be it. But, it does the surviving family no favors to dwell on that aspect of the person’s life;
  • Do we even need to say, it, Get the facts correct before you publish? Even simple things such as misidentifying a victim by name (as happened with us on local news) can be very disrespectful, If your media  boss is the “get it at any cost,” leave and find another employer with integrity;
  • Don’t spontaneously run up to a distraught victim in a public setting with your phone, microphone or camera and say, “How do you feel? This is a moronic question.  Don’t expect family members to say anything that will adequately convey their feelings. It is intrusive!  Rather, it would be better to quietly seek out an approved family representative who may give an approved statement such that  it does not compromise the investigation.

Family should be counseled to not provide extemporaneous statements to the press just because…

  • Law enforcement attorneys, TV personalities and reporters all engage in this one-No matter where a case is in the span of time, never say that the family is looking for “closure.” Closure implies a finality to homicide. In fact, finality is never truly possible, as lives are irreparably changed and families pass into a different phase of coping.Rather, a more accurate way to describe this process is one of resolution, no matter if the outcome is positive or tragic.
  • Never ask a crime victim, Is it time to move on with your life? Even if a person is stuck in their grief, such a comment implies that their loved one is no longer worthy of public attention!  If family members appear to be passionate in their quest by becoming an advocate for others, recruiting help for their case, doing research on their own, focusing on publicizing the case or holding events to increase awareness, this should not be viewed as “an obsession ” In fact, it can be quite the opposite – Post–traumatic growth (PTG) is positive psychological change experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges in order to rise to a higher level of functioning.
  • If you are a media representative or a concerned family member, do consult with a professional counselor trained in dealing with trauma if you are going to be interacting with victims. In addition, seek out the help of a good support group facilitator for homicide survivors. I highly recommend Connecticut based-Survivors of Homicide.

 

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before.”

(Mary) Elizabeth Edwards, former attorney, health care advocate, wife of NC Senator John Edwards, who died from breast cancer in December, 2010.

 

References– https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_growth

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/resilience.html

https://donnagore.com/2011/01/01/history-can-only-be-written-by-the-survivors/

https://donnagore.com/2015/03/13/a-new-normal/

DonnaGore-2

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity.Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com

You can find me here, please follow or friend! Facebook,  Shattered Lives,  Twitter, LinkedIn

 

Stale Bread and Silver Linings

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How do you gauge the changing tastes, changing moods of your audience? I don’t think you can ever possess a daily barometer, or be the perfect meteorologist, as people’s tastes and interests can be as changeable as the wind, or conversely, as inflexible as can be.

Therefore, the key is to perpetually add to your audience in every way you can. No, not exactly like shedding the old girlfriend, for that relationship had its value too.  It’s more like adding to the tried and true recipe to give it a little pizzaz.

I am not one to change just because it’s what’s trending or the latest fad. It’s about a winning formula with the potential for flexibility. However,  if you are not and don’t care to be the expert on the latest and greatest social media platforms, well then, it’s quality over quantity.

I am always in pursuit of others who are intellectually curious but in a clever, creative way. There’s nothing worse than the long dry monologue of an academic soul who hasn’t gotten out to breathe the fresh air or see the sunset. It is a delicate balance, finding like individuals like a couple dancing, but not quite in step.

When time is precious, we frequently don’t have the luxury to hunt those people down, to engage when you have a million things on your plate. So, again, it’s time to compensate, create your own genre, your own brand, and hope that others will follow along as the Pied Piper did, casting a wide net.

Many loyal followers just don’t want to learn a new dance step, even temporarily which is extremely frustrating. It’s as if they are afraid to try something new for fear they may not like it when in truth, that’s how we all learn; sorting out the old from the new, deciding what to keep and what, or who, to discard. Stretching the comfort zone is healthy, even if initially uncomfortable.

While I’m on the topic, who can explain to me the roller coaster analytics that tells you in one long breath you are simultaneously experiencing a high in a couple of areas and yet in the basement on other measures? It’s schizophrenic to me, but I refuse to let it keep me awake at night. We all really know it’s a crap shoot and not equated with popularity whatsoever. We can’t please all the people all of the time, no matter what we do.

That said, the greatest gifts I can offer are my creativity, compassion,  writing skills, ability to shift when needed, the ability to resist temptation from the masses when you know what you are doing seems like a good fit and use divergent  thinking – creating endless permutations to get your important messages across without being stale. I never want to be “stale bread.”

So, there you have it. You have free will to follow, or not to follow. If you do, I will not engage in personal attacks or “low rent behavior.”  I will try to engage, peak your interest, force you to think provocatively, sometimes controversially. I will show my imperfections as that is human but keep the balance of public versus private information.

As a public figure, I know the responsibilities and the do’s and don’ts. If you chose to review what I have to offer, I promise to try to be positive, even when dealing with the unspeakable, the grim, the sad, the underbelly of life, for there is always a silver lining if you look for it. It may take some time, but there is a silver lining in every experience! Silver linings are far better than stale bread any day!

DonnaGore-2

To schedule Donna R. Gore for your next conference, seminar or event, please contact ImaginePublicity.Phone: 843-808-0859 or Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com

You can find me here, please follow or friend! Facebook,  Shattered Lives,  Twitter, LinkedIn