Compassion Versus A “Kick in the Ass”


Crime victim, compassion, Donna R. Gore

Being a victim of crime is a delicate balance.  In the beginning, you are like a “sponge “who soaks up all of the emotions as they come in a flurry of activity.  And, it’s mostly bad. You can’t see the forest for the trees. You may have a blind trust in the system based upon what others might have told you, or what you have seen on television; particularly if your family unit has walked the straight and narrow and you were “just a victim of circumstance.”

What keeps you upright and able to function depends upon many factors.  Do you have an inner strength, a resilience that is already built in?  Are you a good problem solver?  Can you “go solo” if other family members veer off in other directions? Is your support system composed of just “fair weather friends” or are some in it for the long haul? Are you a person that typically retreats or do you reach out? Have you figured out what makes you feel better no matter what happens?  Do you have the means to get away from your immediate environment for awhile if only to assimilate the drastic change that has taken place?    Can you picture yourself being “therapized” by a professional counselor in a one to one relationship, or perhaps in a support group with others experiencing similar crimes?

How do you know who to trust?  Who will safeguard your feelings no matter how irrational they seem? Will your best friend not judge you and place expectations if you do not “bounce back “in two weeks?  Sleeping too much; Not sleeping at all; overeating, under-eating, drinking to cover the pain. All of these and more could be part of your scenario as a crime victim.

The length of time taken to “recover “and discover a new normal is highly variable. However, in general, if the intense pain and anger remains with you for several weeks to months, you need professional remediation.  I can spot these victims ten miles away, their demeanor, their lack of motivation, the language they use, their poisonous view of life.” The reality is that if this is the person looking into the mirror, it is not truly “your fault.”  Ahhh, but life is never fair.  The “higher power” who deals the cards is to some extent, in control of destiny.

Crime Victims and Compassion

What about age and gender?  The generally perceived to be true, yet unscientific observation is that males typically are the late bloomers in life, and less mature than the female gender.   However, they also are acculturated to be “a man” devoid of emotion just by virtue of being male.  How very unfair!  So,  we really have to be more patient with the male species and accept “as is” for the short term.  Picking them for life partners is an entirely different story and fodder for another time.

I was recently told by a somewhat arrogant man that I was looking for the “magic pill” when trying to improve a situation.  I know there is no magic pill for ANYTHING, but do new crime victims know this fresh out of the gate?  No! Don’t they need something to believe in? Don’t they need a place to rest their soul and know that it will be handled with care?  Yes, of course!

There is that fine line when you need to extend a hand and be ever so patient as compared to giving a bit of a shove or “kick in the ass.”  I say kick in the ass with much sincerity and care. If a crime victim gives you vibes they need help and are afraid to take it, you take the risk of turning them off or calling their bluff using such a tactic.    A better term would be “tough love” after evaluating their situation in a holistic manner.   Regardless, you are showing you care even if they don’t realize it.

When there is a “meeting of the minds” and you can provide a valuable service in their journey, such as a customized victim impact writing service, this is a definite bright spot in their existence. You remove a great burden from their shoulders!

Key into the term “customized.” A thoughtful, personalized victim impact statement can change the outcome of sentencing hearings and pardons and parole hearings if given the opportunity “to shine.”  Victim impact statements should not be written from the same old template like sausages turned out in the sausage factory!  Every person is unique and should be valued as such!

See details here:












Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s