Posts Tagged Imperial Valley

EL VALIENTE- THE BRAVE ONE!


(A Tribute to Daniel Hernandez, Jr. and the Upward Bound Program)

We can find heroes in every walk of life, every group, and every geographic location.  But a hero, by its very nature, tends to be “unsung” or at the least camera shy.

Typically we think of a hero as one who performs a risky job or selfless act.

No one sets out to “be a hero today” when the morning alarm clock rings…. It is situational and spur of the moment.  On the continuum of heroes, you might have saving a cat caught in a tree at one end… and at the opposite end, a rescue worker in the Twin Towers of New York City. Heroes, according to my definition, are heroes because of unforeseen circumstances, thrust into situations that created “extraordinary heroic acts.”   Although I have much admiration and respect for police and firefighters, heroic acts comes with the job and becomes their calling.

When it comes to crime, the true measure of a hero may be anyone who responds to a grave risk, saves others in the commission of a crime and survives… or ultimately does not survive.  Who immediately comes to your mind? Could it be a member of the military in a war torn country or a police officer in an inner city neighborhood?  I say “no” on both counts.

My new favorite hero is a most unlikely hero.  His name is Daniel Hernandez, Jr., a political intern for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  Just five short days earlier he had begun his assignment to assist Gabby.

This junior at the University of Arizona acted quickly and remained collected under a barrage of bullets!  Why is this feat so remarkable?

1)    He acted without hesitation.

2)    He used triage methods commonly enforced in emergency situations to quickly assess who needed help most.

3) Using his hand, he applied pressure to the entry wound on her forehead, pulling her into his lap and holding her upright so she wouldn’t choke on her own blood.

4) He used a clean smock from Safeway’s meat department on the entrance wound, unaware that there was an exit wound.

5) He never left her during the ordeal…

Daniel waited at the hospital while she was undergoing surgery.  He reportedly heard on National Public Radio and comments from others that Gabby had died.  Later, he learned she was alive in body and in spirit…

Arizona State Representative, Matt Heinz, who is also a physician, told the Arizona Republic newspaper, “The fact that Hernandez was nearby and was able to react quickly probably saved Giffords life.”

Daniel’s comments included: “Of course you’re afraid. You just have to stay calm and collected.  You do no good to anyone if you have a breakdown….  It was probably not a good idea to run toward the gunshots, but people needed help.”

The impetus for such a selfless act, for such character, caring and strength may, at least in part, be attributed to Mr. Hernandez’ days as an Upward Bound student in Tucson.

A Little History…

Upward Bound, the oldest of a series of programs known as Trio, was created as part of President Lyndon B. Johnson’s “War on Poverty”.  Specific legislation for the program was initially authorized under the Economic Opportunity Act of 1964 and later moved to be included under Title IV of the Higher Education Act of 1965.  This legislation which authorized the TRIO programs sought to provide educational opportunity for all Americans regardless of race, ethnic background or economic circumstance.

Currently, there are approximately 950 to 1,000 Upward Bound Programs in the United States, the Caribbean and the Pacific Islands.  A pilot program began in 18 colleges and universities throughout the country in the summer of 1965.

Upward Bound provides fundamental support to participants in their preparation for college entrance. The program provides opportunities for participants to succeed in their pre-college performance and ultimately in their higher education pursuits. Upward Bound serves high school students from low-income families; and high school students from families in which neither parent holds a college degree. The goal of Upward Bound is to increase the rate at which participants complete secondary education and enroll in and graduate from institutions of postsecondary education.

Types of Projects

Upward Bound projects provide academic instruction in mathematics, laboratory sciences, composition, literature, and foreign languages. Tutoring, counseling, mentoring, cultural enrichment, work-study programs, education or counseling services designed to improve the financial and economic literacy of students;  Non traditional and underserved populations such as students with limited English proficiency, students with disabilities, students who are homeless children and youths, students from migrant families and those in foster care are but a few examples.

Quick Fact:
Students in the Upward Bound program are 4 times more likely to earn an undergraduate degree than students from similar backgrounds that did not have Upward Bound’s support and resources.

This writer had the pleasure and wonderful opportunity to participate in the Upward Bound Summer Residential Program beginning in July 2009 in the San Diego- Imperial Valley area as a motivational speaker…  From that point on, a love affair began and has continued to this day…. as a fan, friend, volunteer writer, fundraiser and creative donor.

Although I was to travel 3,000 miles from Connecticut, as well as create and carry out a multi-modality presentation, any inconvenience was far overshadowed by the rewards I received.  This writer spent five months in intensive preparation creating visual display boards, props, bilingual music, illustrations and handout packets chronicling my personal, professional and educational experiences.

I used my own brand of “Keys to Success” and demographic data comparing the states of California and Connecticut.  Topics included personal experiences relating to education and job discrimination, personal tragedies and challenges overcome, the power of positive thought   and discussion of several minority affiliations and tolerance issues with which this blogger is intimately familiar.

This was a summer “boot camp” of sorts where I got to re-live the dormitory experience again for a few days with staff and the students.

It was my friend, Rosalie Lopez; Upward Bound Program Director at Imperial Valley College, whom I met by chance on a cruise vacation that afforded me this great opportunity! Dedicated counselor- teacher extraordinaire, anticipator of students’ needs, problem solver, substitute mother, master coordinator and van driver… all rolled into one.  She was, and is, among the best of the best…

As a guest speaker, I was treated with respect, kindness and personal attention.  I have no doubt that other speakers following me were treated in the same manner.

I was also touched that Imperial Valley staff members willingly shared their personal stories with me regarding how they achieved self-respect and hard fought academic success in spite of their struggle as migrant farm families.

With regard to the Upward Bound Program itself, I will forever sing its praises.  The experience created such a positive impact on me!

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it takes a very holistic approach, versus solely academic drill.

In my professional life, I have worked with many similar populations and strongly feel that experiential learning “beyond academics” is just as vital to success.  Their emphasis on ending the cycle of poverty;  academic focus on mathematics, science and language proficiency; promotion of self-esteem; the introduction of independent living and survival skills; social etiquette, adequate nutrition, exposure to cultural and recreational activities and timely career trends via use of a variety of guest speakers tied everything together quite nicely!

Personally the experience paid off in ways I can’t quite describe. Although my efforts might not have reached every single student, I feel confident that I gave them a lot of information in an hour, and they, in turn, participated and provided feedback that was often quite compelling and very touching.  I am so proud of that!

Speaking of Teaching Moments….

1) It really struck me one morning while standing in front of the dorm bathroom mirror one sunny morning.  It was yet another difference between them and I that brought it down to basics. …  Although I was to stay but a few days, I typically brought approximately a dozen personal hygiene products for use, neatly lined up on the shelf. (And I don’t even wear makeup except lipstick!)  I casually looked over to the shelf where two student interns were sharing space.  There was only two items on their shelf!   I always remember that moment!)

2) One morning during camp, my new friend Rosie and I were having breakfast in the cafeteria at UCSD. A situation arose in which a particular student’s family requested help.  The family in question was unable to fund an upcoming recreational activity.  Given the constraints of the program, all allowable monies had been offered.  Ms. Lopez called the Student Council President (whose name I believe, was Eric) over to the table and presented the problem.  She suggested that the Council might possibly do some fundraising by asking others to contribute 50 cents or a dollar so that the student could attend.

Council President Eric looked directly at me and said, “Perhaps the guest speakers can get involved.” I smiled to myself and applauded the student’s business acumen.  I enthusiastically offered to assist and remarked to Ms. Lopez that he was indeed shrewd, thus the reason for his position.

Ultimately, I was happy to cover the fee and a bit extra.  However, I recommended that we not divulge such information in order that they continue the good practice of fundraising, as new needs were bound to arise.

Imperial Valley and the New York Times

Friday, June 18, 2010

Imperial County, California: Unemployment Epicenter

The Wall Street Journal reports that California’s Imperial County has the nation’s highest unemployment rate.

Cities here in Imperial County, a vast swath of desert wedged against the borders of Arizona and Mexico, are stuck in a deep malaise. A few years ago, California’s housing boom promised to transform the largely agricultural region. But now, the county’s unemployment rate is 28%, making Imperial the metropolitan

area with the highest unemployment rate in the nation, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Food banks are overwhelmed. Families splinter as members leave to find work in San Diego or Los Angeles, more than 100 miles away.

“It’s just bad and doesn’t seem to be getting better,” said Guadelupe L. Ponce, a community-services director for Campesinos Unidos, a social-services agency in Brawley, a farm town not far from the U.S.-Mexico border. “Sometimes I have sleepless nights thinking about it.”

The Census Bureau reports the following statistics for Imperial County, which is located in California’s southeast corner, bordering San Diego and Riverside counties, Arizona, and Mexico.

Population, percent change, April 1, 2000 to July 1, 2009: 17.2%
Persons of Hispanic or Latino origin, percent, 2008: 76.8%
Foreign born persons, percent, 2000: 32.2%

The WSJ indicates that until the housing bubble, the region was chronically depressed, but once the free money started flowing in, it boomed. Now that lending standards have tightened and the world

has gone into the diversity depression, Imperial is headed back to its normal state, that of being an outpost of Mexico.

This writer witnessed first hand how these students can successfully broaden their horizons, be a contributor to society and to their future destiny ….and break the cycle of poverty.

Postscript from the Past

In 1968, Dr, Thomas A. Billings of Western Washington University, National Director of the Upward Bound and Community Action Program in the Office of Economic Opportunity, stated his philosophy of Upward Bound as follows:

“…Upward Bound is not, and should not become a national conveyor belt mindlessly processing youngsters for the nation’s workforce as if they were so many carrots to be canned, so many units to be programmed.

Hopefully, our programs will assist youngsters to be competent and effective participants in the American social and economic order.  Beyond that, we should assist Upward Bound youngsters to bec

ome sensitive human beings, free, informed and committed to the human struggle for excellence.”

Daniel Hernandez, Jr, My Hero, Survivors of Crime’s Hero, Society’s Hero,   El Valiente…….. and definitely so much more than canned carrots!

Anyone interested in making a student donation to the Upward Bound program in Imperial Valley, California, (or elsewhere) Contact:rosalie.lopez@imperial.edu.


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Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water, I Will Lay Me Down…….

 

(Lessons of a Court Escort)

 

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

There is no greater calling than to be a volunteer court escort.  It’s a bit like a tour guide, “an educator by fire,” a grief counselor, a criminal justice spectator and a human bridge over troubled water….

The fact that there are never enough victim advocates to adequately represent or support crime victims when they are the most vulnerable, during the complex court proceedings is a given…. This is true whether we are talking about the 1980’s and 1990’s when I volunteered for the job, or in current times.

It is the court process that is the most intrusive, the most impersonal and the most mysterious to the average citizen. ***It is this part of the victim experience where we feel most vulnerable, where a bridge is needed… more than any other time…

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,

If citizens try to rely on their knowledge of what seems fair, or their knowledge of the plethora of criminal TV shows, watch out!  You will be proven wrong in almost all aspects.

According to my research, only the states Connecticut and Pennsylvania have abolished the use of grand juries to return indictments, but kept the investigating grand jury. Both used a constitutional amendment approved by the electorate to abolish the indicting grand jury. Connecticut replaced the grand jury’s determination of probable cause with a hearing before a judge.

Grand juries in every state plus the District of Columbia can investigate criminal activity. This is even true in Connecticut and Pennsylvania, which eliminated the indicting grand jury. In so doing, Connecticut also abolished the use of “civilian” grand juries; instead of being composed of ordinary citizens, its investigating grand jury is made up of between one and three judges.

Again, my home state is either on the edge of innovation or always the exception to the rule in how things are done. (Bloggers, please refer to “Voir Dire, Oh Dear” for yet another example)  Alas, there is a fine line between innovation and annoyance…

That brings up another source of potential annoyance – whether a particular sitting judge chooses to follow our State Constitution’s Victim’s Bill of Rights.  The rights appear logical and practical, yet many judges tend to overlook the victim more often than not in the criminal process.

The pendulum has swung somewhat towards victim rights in recent years. However, to the unsuspecting “crime victim spectator”, it is, unfortunately, the “criminal’s show.” It is seemingly all about the criminal’s right to a fair trial and nothing else.  If the victim is mentioned personally, it is often in a disparaging way, to paint that person as tainted and therefore, not worthy of justice.

For those who may be unfamiliar with just what are the true rights of a crime victim, I give you The State of Connecticut’s version as an example.

Constitution of the State of Connecticut
Article XXIX – Rights of Victims of Crime

In all criminal prosecutions, a victim, as the general assembly may define by law, shall have the following rights:

  1. 1. The right to be treated with fairness and respect throughout the criminal justice process;
  2. 2. The right to timely disposition of the case following arrest of the accused, provided no right of the accused is abridged;
  3. 3. The right to be reasonably protected from the accused throughout the criminal justice process;
  4. 4. The right to notification of court proceedings;
  5. 5. The right to attend the trial and all other court proceedings the accused has the right to attend, unless such person is to testify and the court determines that such person’s testimony would be materially affected if such person hears other testimony;
  6. 6. The right to communicate with the prosecution;
  7. 7. The right to object to or support any plea agreement entered into by the accused and the prosecution and to make a statement to the court prior to the acceptance by the court of the plea of guilty or nolo contendere by the accused;
  8. 8. The right to make a statement to the court at sentencing;
  9. 9. The right to restitution which shall be enforceable in the same manner as any other cause of action or as otherwise provided by law; and

10. The right to information about the arrest, conviction, sentence, imprisonment and release of the accused.

The right to be treated with fairness sets the tone and is the ultimate desire for any crime victim.  However, “fairness” is a laughable term, for we know that if life was fair, God was fair, the criminal justice system was fair, we wouldn’t even be in this “courtroom of horrors.”

When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Being in a criminal court is a visceral experience – the check in process, the metal detector, the personal search, the feel of the hard benches, the endless delays and objections by the defense, The lack of creature comforts,  the stifling of all emotion by the victim’s family and friends with the threat of banishment hanging over your head, the humiliation of “painting the victim as criminal;” The feeling of being out of the loop and at a constant disadvantage as if the people before you are speaking a foreign language that you truly don’t understand….

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down….

So I ask you, what can a fellow survivor of crime do to ease the pain as a court escort?  Well…

1)    Your mere presence is powerful and comforting to the “new victim.”

2)    Ask the new victim how you can best help them? (i.e. Answer their questions or ask the assigned victim advocate, Take notes for them, Go for water, deliver a sandwich; Assist them in the restroom as a possible place to cry, scream with you present);

*** The number one request from a new victim is ALWAYS information related- as to why/why not something is/is not happening, why their prosecutor is not sharing information, not returning phone calls, why it is taking so long etc.  For selected questions, there are no answers. For others, the victims are “kept in the dark” on certain aspects of the case for strategic reasons, to shield the family or if a deal may be in the process of negotiation.  Still others may be a quirk of the prosecutor’s personality or “just part of the process.”

3)You can explain what will happen regarding the law and rules of the court.( Do your homework first and check with your state’s Judicial  Department  and Office of Victim Services);

4) Relate what is expected in terms of “court etiquette,” what the reputation of the various players is, (if you know) (including presiding judge and attorneys);

5) Relate your own court experience, but advise the new victim that as each case is unique, the ultimate outcome is also individual;

6) Do not project an overly optimistic or negative attitude.  This is difficult, as you want to be encouraging, but realistic….

7)    Give positive reinforcement if needed, for their perseverance in sitting  for lengthy periods, exhibiting patience and comporting themselves as a “classy  person” in the face of such pressure.***  It is very important to juries to see that the victim’s family is present and involved in the court process as much as possible.

A wonderfully illustrative case of court escorting is in the process of a just conclusion after 22 long years! The case is known to this day as the Prospect Café Murder.  Adam Zach, a privileged kid with a “little Napolean-like demeanor” and affluent family, took offense to an off-handed remark about “spit shining the bar,” left  the tavern and returned to shoot in the back, a fine young man, named Peter Carone.

This writer met Addie Carone, a former social worker and matriarch of the Carone family at a Survivor’s of Homicide meeting.  This writer had the honor of becoming involved in their lives in the most intimate ways, particularly as a volunteer court escort in Hartford, CT following the March 1987 homicide.

I vividly recall Addie’s frustration, anger and class displayed during the public court process.  What happed in the bathroom was a snapshot of her release of emotion and rage that we all feel… and must display, or it will eventually destroy us emotionally and physically.   I recall, due to the former CT statutes, convicted felon, Adam Zachs being convicted and sentenced to 60 years and released to his parents “as long as they agreed to search his room for weapons.”

Following this miscarriage of justice, and much hard work, Addie was instrumental in subsequently changing the Connecticut law such that a convicted felon can no longer be released from prison while the case is on appeal!

Money talks….  It was reported that the Zach’s family hid felon Adam in Israel and then Mexico.  Using all of the criminal justice resources, the FBI and international officials, it was rumored over the years that Adam had, with the help of family, fled to Mexico.  His fugitive status remained illusive. It was known that he had a Mexican girlfriend and was featured on John Walsh’s, America’s Most Wanted (Fugitives) twice!

AMW narrative accompanying his “mug shot” and initial reward read as follows:

On August 23, 1988, at the conclusion of a jury trial, Adam Mark Zachs was convicted of murder and sentenced to 60 years in prison. Pending appeal, this deadly killer was released on a bond. In June of 1989, Zachs failed to appear at a scheduled court hearing and a warrant for failure to appear was issued by a judge in the Superior Court of Connecticut on June 27, 1989. A federal arrest warrant charging Zachs with unlawful flight to avoid confinement was issued on July 24, 1989, in the United States District Court, Hartford, Connecticut. Therefore, a reward of up to $50,000 has been offered by the FBI for information leading directly to the capture of Adam Mark Zachs.

And then….  On Tuesday February 1st, 2011, Zachs, 47, was arrested in Leon Guanajuato, Mexico, Tuesday and is being held in Mexico City, police said.  Zachs, who was living under an assumed name, had a wife and children in Mexico and worked in the computer repair business there.

Although the case is still under investigation, Zachs will be escorted back to Connecticut to begin serving his 60 year sentence.  Lo and behold, a hairdresser at my salon revealed yesterday that she used to cut both the victim and the murderer’s hair!  Small world….  This writer sent Addie, now age 83, a lovely and bright yellow floral arrangement last week!

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Respectfully submitted,

Donna R. Gore

Homicide Survivor in Connecticut

2-13-2011

UPDATE TO CASE OF ADAM ZACHS-PETER CARONE

(Article from the Hartford Courant- April 5, 2011)

Connecticut’s congressional delegation has asked Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton to help bring convicted murderer Adam Zachs back to West Hartford.

Zachs, 47, was arrested in Leon, Mexico, on Feb. 1, and is being held in Mexico City. Connecticut has filed paperwork requesting his extradition and is awaiting a response from Mexican authorities.

Zachs fled in 1989 while appealing his prison sentence for shooting Peter Carone at the Prospect Café in West Hartford. Police said the men had been watching an NCAA basketball tournament game in 1987 when an argument started. The two went outside and scuffled, and Zachs shot Carone in the back with a 9mm semiautomatic pistol, according to testimony at Zachs’ trial.

In a letter to Clinton last month, the state’s congressional delegation asked that she provide the legal and diplomatic assistance necessary to enforce a 1978 extradition treaty between the United States and Mexico. It also asked Clinton to see that Zachs is extradited as soon as possible.

The lawmakers have not received a response to their letter. Clinton will respond directly to the lawmakers and not through the media, said Andy Laine, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of State.

Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman’s office drafted the letter sent to Clinton. His office said that when it was contacted by both the West Hartford Police Department and the Carone family about the extradition, it decided to discuss the matter with the rest of the congressional delegation. The letter to Clinton was signed by the state’s two U.S. senators and five U.S. representatives.

Jim Carone, brother of Peter Carone, said his family sent Lieberman’s office a letter to remind people that Zachs had still not been returned to the U.S. The family and the police department want to keep the case’s profile high, Carone said.

Carone said it was hard for his family to wait while the extradition process plays out. Although the murder trial was years ago, his family still has an interest in what happens to Zachs, he said, adding that whatever happens will not change the fact that his brother was killed.

“The wrong has already been done,” he said.

 


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Vulnerabilities: Dealing with the Pain, the Aftermath

It is intriguing to me what the “residual effects” are on those who experience violent crime. Whether your case is brand new, going through the judicial process at a snail’s pace; whether you are left hanging and left wondering for years with an unsolved case; if your case has been solved…. Or if, as in my situation, you are many years down the road after “the event,” vulnerabilities pervade and often last a life time.

The circumstances of crime can be as individual and varied as a fingerprint. For every instance in which we achieve a sense of contentment, we can also find an opposing state of discomfort that serves to remind us of the past…

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler- Ross will forever be known as the pioneer who made sense of it all with her five stages of grief model, featured in her 1969 breakthrough book, “On Death & Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses , Clergy and their Families.” Death, Denial, Isolation, Anger, Bargaining Depression and Acceptance seem to capture the rollercoaster-like stages we all felt or feel.

Today, other professionals including social workers, psychologists and grief counselors grapple with our pain.  They listen to our stories, respond to the questions for which there are answers, and “patch us up” as best they can, hoping that we have the fortitude to face the future.

Cognitive therapy focuses on changing behaviors in the here and now. The techniques used, help to change behaviors and feelings. They have been categorized into “schemas” developed by Dr. Jeffrey Young. Reportedly, a schema is a “life trap” preventing us from accomplishing life goals and subsequent happiness.

Among the 18 different schemas, some include: emotional deprivation, mistrust/abuse, dependence/incompetence and self-sacrifice. Vulnerability is one of the common “life traps” defined as, “the sense that the world is a dangerous place; that disaster can happen at any time, and that you will be overwhelmed by the challenges that lie ahead.”

Somehow, vulnerability is put in a far more serious, dark, gloom and doom context rather that the vulnerability we see on TV. You know the one… “I just broke up with my boyfriend and I’m feeling vulnerable.” Perhaps those TV writers need to say heartbroken rather than vulnerable… It certainly sounds scary… “anything can happen”… “overwhelming”.

Let’s be real. We are in fact, reeling, heartbroken and feeling very vulnerable concerning the horrific acts of a deranged gunman against Congresswoman Giffords and the other fine public servants and innocent citizens who lost their lives in Tucson recently. Vulnerability to the max!

I am sickened how this event has served to invade our personal freedoms and tainted all that is good about public service and a sense of community…. Not to mention the criminal acts. Mental illness is no excuse. Don’t even try to make this political or talk about the media frenzy or civility. This was intentional murder!

However, I refuse to live a life “looking over my shoulder”, thus giving power to the perpetrator of my father’s homicide.

Vulnerability, at its most basic level, is like an open wound that never heals. It’s hard to control a small vulnerability, akin to a scratch, let’s say, from becoming a gaping wound. Personally speaking, with nearly 30 years time and a lot of therapy, my gaping wounds have healed, but not totally.

So where do we put the remaining pain and how do we deal with it afterwards? Can we as survivors of homicide or otherwise actually re-adjust to life after homicide? YES WE CAN. But….. those vulnerabilities remain… How do my vulnerabilities translate to my day to day dealings, to my very own “vulnerability schema”?

Well, if you’d really like to know, my blogger friends…..

As a lifelong single woman who just happens to have a physical disability that rarely limits me, due to my superb ability to compensate or “figure out a way,” I feel I am naturally more vulnerable as I “can’t kick an intruder where it hurts” nor can I “run for the hills” quickly. However, I can use a steel crutch as a weapon and well developed upper body strength, if need be…. (I always used to beat the grammar school boys at arm wrestling Ha!)

I can try to always live in a “safe community” (if there is such a place anymore.

As for my crime related vulnerabilities, I always record a new daily message on my answering machine including the date and a couple of details both at home and at work. I do this for two reasons. My main reason for doing so, is to alert others of a clue as to my whereabouts in case of an emergency… or if I went missing. I do this for safety… It would be awhile if they had to discover ‘something not quite right”

My family, for whatever reason, gets together on major holidays only with little communication in between… They have their own families and I do not, except for surrogate family friends. I have accepted this… The second reason for such recordings is my insatiable need for creativity and diversity. I love the creative challenge of devising a new message each and every day.

I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to my father for the final time, as he left from home one evening. Consequently, ever since then, I feel a loss, I feel scared if a family member does not say a formal goodbye at the end of the gathering. I feel cheated and a little panicky. It is one of my vulnerabilities.

My “best work buddy” frequently makes a beeline for the door at the end of the day and does not make a point of saying goodbye to me, as my cubicle is not in her exit path. I don’t like it…. It is my vulnerability showing.

I do a fair amount of driving and always wear my seatbelt, use the sign of the cross as a non- Catholic no less, and silently thank God at times for “keeping me safe” and try to be a safe and considerate driver (with occasional lapses into “road irritation versus rage.” Admittedly, I have an irrational fear of auto fatality or injury.

My father was found shot dead five times to vital organs in his van. Some say it rolled into a house with the motor running for 30 minutes… and house occupants never called the police, after he desperately tried to drive himself to a hospital.

I always lock my car – even in a familiar neighborhood or driveway.

I think this is a holdover from my graduate school days “all by myself” at Kansas State University. Who cares if my sister. Holly makes fun of my behavior…. My vulnerability about crime became more apparent after the following very real case which occurred just one town away from where I reside.

(My heart breaks for Mary Ellen Welsh, who just wanted to have coffee and a visit with her friend, Carol Larese.

(This account was reported by Hartford Courant reporter, By BILL LEUKHARDT on May 29, 2008.)

A convicted sex offender, Leslie Williams, 31 was charged with a March 30 home invasion that left a retired court worker severely wounded and her cancer-stricken friend raped and killed opted in court Wednesday not to have a probable-cause hearing on the evidence used to arrest him.

Williams, released from jail in early March after serving an eight-year term for molesting a child, is being held without bail since his arrest in Watertown on March 30. He was fleeing from police when he lost control of the stolen car, which was owned by one of the victims.

Williams told police he had spent the night sleeping in an unlocked parked car he found in a Woodhaven Drive driveway and picked Larese’s nearby home to break into when he saw Welsh park and walk in.

Court records state that Williams burst into the New Britain home of Carol Larese, 65, seconds after her friend Mary Ellen Welsh, 62, had walked in to have coffee with Larese. Williams, who was on a weekend robbery spree and had spent the night sleeping in an unlocked parked car in a nearby driveway, shot Larese in the head and assaulted then abducted Welsh, court records state.

Carol Larese, 65, told police she had just welcomed her friend Welsh into the home when Williams walked in, said he needed a car and money, and showed the women a black handgun, the newly released document says.

Larese said Williams walked behind her into a far corner of the basement and shot her in the head. Williams told police he thought he had killed her.

But Larese, still conscious, pretended to be dead and told police she could hear Williams attack her friend. Larese waited until she no longer heard anyone in the house, then ran across the street to tell a neighbor to call police. By then, Welsh, her car and Williams were gone.

Welsh’s body was found in a sand pit in the town of Bristol, CT. Welsh, a cancer patient, had been shot, court records state. Police are still seeking the gun used in the crime.

‘Sorry bloggers, it’s just my vulnerabilities surfacing about unlocked cars…. These instances alone may not seem like much, but they are enough to keep me in a “vulnerable state of vigilance” throughout the day.

Whether homicide related, disability related or relationship related, vulnerabilities, to paraphrase Carly Simon, are often, “the only thing making us feel we are alive…. ‘Guess that’s just how much it costs to survive in this world….

When all is said and done, I guess I’ll keep my vulnerabilities. They make me feel real.

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